This week has been a particularly hectic week.
My life right now consists of clown class, nannying part-time for 2 families, working box office part-time, and auditioning in Philly and New York. This week I planned to be in NYC Wednesday through Friday. Monday I spent all day working, and making a mask for my clown class. Tuesday I nannyed in the AM, went to a local audition, and went to class.
This morning I was supposed to take a 6am bus to New York and potentially make 3 auditions; 2 EPAs in 2 different locations, and 1 audition in the evening in Brooklyn. I stayed up late last night rolling clothes and gathering toiletries for my 3-night stay. I still fumbled around in the morning sleepily debating whether to pack or wear my audition shoes.
I got to the bus in enough time to watch it roll away at 6:01am. I hopped on the MFL with my oversize backpack in tow to try and catch the bus at the 6th and Market stop, only to watch it pass by me yet again as I emerged from the subway.
So, what do you do when you miss your bus? What happens when you oversleep, or feel like your schedule just can't accommodate going to another audition? How do you tolerate when your plans do not go as expected?
I have been learning to take advantage of the moments when my schedule goes awry to check in with myself; especially this week. Checking in with your body, what you CAN control, and looking at the big picture can help redirect negative, hateful thoughts.
It's too easy to let guilt spiral into self-loathing. Missing a bus, or even a scheduled audition due to fatigue, illness or just tricky scheduling can lead to self-hating thoughts like, "I'm lazy," or "I NEED to go to this audition," or "I just can't do this."
At this particular moment, I was too tired to be upset. My body longed for rest. I decided to head home, sleep, and regroup. When I woke up a few hours later, I checked Audition Update to see how the auditions were going. I began to feel some regret when I saw that both auditions were moving somewhat quickly. I knew however, that it was too late for me to try to make it in to be seen, as most of the lists close after lunch.
Then, I challenged that guilt:
In the moment, I had (1.) checked in with my body and decided I was too exhausted after having early mornings and late evenings to try and catch the next bus. When I woke up I (2.) recognized that I wouldn't get to the auditions in time to be seen, so what was left in my control was that I could get up there at anytime. Finally, (3.): The Big Picture. There are so many more auditions happening that missing 2 is not going to make or break me. There is always the possibility that I won't get seen. And loving and taking care of myself is much more important than stressing myself out or making myself feel bad about choosing to sleep in.
As you are making your schedule, getting out to more auditions, and creating goals for yourself, take the time to shower yourself with gratitude and love. Write in your planner when you have "free" time. Make your To-Do List small on busy weeks. Forgive yourself when your plan goes off course.
Show yourself love by listening and honoring what you need first!
How are you taking care of yourself this season? Comment or post using #selfcare #selflove.
Hope you are feeling great about your auditions, and remember it's never too late to start. <3